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Wise Man Jokes

Monday, May 5, 2008

humor jokes - Just a little work joke

I'm tired. For a couple of years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out it ain't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

Boy Oh Boy.. And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired, I'm the only one working.

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clean funny jokes - Watch The Wall

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,

"Watch the wall!"

short jokes

Question: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have in common?
Answer: They all get the house!

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died, would you remarry?"

Peter thought for a second then said "Yeah I guess I would".

Then his the wife asked, "well would you have her as your golfing partner?"

Peter replied, "yep I probably would do that too".

"But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?!", she cried.

Peter looked at her and said, "Nah, she is left handed."

hilarious jokes - The Secret of Women

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

Sports Jokes - Baseball Players Stay Cool

Question: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
Answer: Because you dribble on the floor!

Question: How do baseball players stay cool?
Answer: Sit next to their fans.
Question: How do baseball players stay cool?
Answer: Sit next to their fans.

Relationship Jokes - Not so fast!

Like a lot of young women these days, one of our secretaries had worked long and hard to put her boyfriend through college. After he graduated and passed his bar exam, I asked her if they planned to be married soon.

She looked at me with a big smile and said, "Oh no! Not right away. I want him to practice for at least six months first."

jokes for kids - Cat Family Joke

TEACHER: Name four members of the cat family.
Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

Teacher: What do you call a sleeping bull?
Pupil: a bulldozer!

Teacher: What did the frog order at McDonald's?
Pupil: French flies and a diet Croak

really funny jokes

Wise Man Jokes